A transgender woman who waited over 40 years before transitioning was diagnosed with dementia just six years later.
Andrea Elliott-Denham, 67, is now happily living with her partner in rural Wales – but knows that her illness, which doctors eventually realised was Alzheimer’s, will bring more challenges in the future.
She spoke out about the struggles many LGBTQ+ people face, especially those facing similar medical issues.
‘I had to wait a long time before I was able to even consider transitioning mainly due to finances,’ she said.
‘The doctor I saw knew very little about trans issues, but he did some research. Luckily there was a gender clinic not too far from where I lived. I had to undergo psychiatric evaluation and this process took three years. They needed to be sure that I was in the right frame of mind to go through with the transition.’
‘Eventually I was given the go ahead for the operation and in the year 2000 underwent gender reassignment and became Andrea. At last I felt I was the person I was born to be.’
Things were good – but just six years later, when she was only 53, Andrea noticed that she was having memory problems.
‘I got lost driving in areas that I knew well, but I put it down to stress at the time’ she recalled.
‘I was forgetting names. Searching for a word felt like looking down a black hole. Then one day I was in town chatting to someone. We had a good conversation and I turned to my partner afterwards and said, “Who is she?” It was someone who I knew well.’
Andrea went to her GP and had a memory test, which showed she had young-onset dementia. Later tests at hospital revealed she had Alzheimer’s.
She is now supporting the Alzheimer’s Society with their Forget Me Not appeal this month.
The charity says that LGBTQ+ people with dementia can face particular challenges due to their illness.
Some who have faced discrimination or stigma may feel forced back into the closet, or their dementia could mean they feel they are still living in those times.
Trans people with dementia may go back to a time before they transitioned, which can be distressing and confusing.
Some LGBTQ+ people may feel isolated as they may have no long-term partner or family to support them.
Andrea says she has not personally experienced major problems after coming out as trans, except for some comments from people online.
‘I don’t have a problem with who I am, and I don’t expect others to,’ she said. People have learnt to accept me for being trans and for my dementia diagnosis.’
But she says she knows many others are not as lucky, and so she wants to speak about her experiences to try and tackle stigma.
‘LGBTQ+ people have their own particular challenges,’ said Andrea. ‘They may face discrimination from a doctor, health professional or members of the public. It shouldn’t happen in this day and age but unfortunately it still does.
‘Carers and medical professionals need to be aware of these additional challenges faced by LGBTQ+ people so the right support can be put in place.’
Andrea spent more than 40 years living as Andy before she transitioned, saying she always felt something was not right but didn’t know people could be transgender when she was young.
‘I remember when I was three, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to wear dresses like the other girls’ she recalled.
‘I’d ask my mum and she’d say, “Boys don’t do that.” I always felt like I was in the wrong kind of body.
‘When I first found out about trans issues it was like everything made sense at last.’
Andrea’s outlook on life remains positive, despite the challenges she’s endured along her journey.
She said: ‘I don’t have a problem with who I am, and I don’t expect others to. People have learnt to accept me for being trans and for my dementia diagnosis.’
In the past, Andrea worked as a care officer with elderly people, and with autistic adults on a farm, so ‘knew enough about Alzheimer’s to know how things might evolve’.
She said: ‘If anything I was more worried about how it would affect the people around me.’
More than 42,000 people in the UK are living with young-onset dementia, with many being supported, like Andrea, by the Alzheimer’s Society.
Andrea is also part of many LGBTQ+ online communities and this is where eight years ago she met her partner, Ella, who is now also her carer.
The two now live in a ‘lovely village’ in west Wales, between Carmarthen and Cardigan.
‘We first found each other on a Facebook site’ said Andrea. ‘We spoke a few times on the phone before she came to visit me. We’ve never looked back since that day.
‘That is why the Forget Me Not Appeal is particularly meaningful to me.
‘I have many special memories, but the most treasured is the memory of the day I met Ella and I would hate to ever forget it.’
The charity’s appeal encourages the public to wear a Forget Me Not pin page to show people affected by dementia that they are understood and not alone.
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